A PERSONAL NOTE - JESSE
Growing up Cody's smile was always infectious. He has a way of making
you realize how truly trivial the small stuff really is. While we are
similar in many aspects our core traits differ. I like to have a plan,
Cody's plan is to have no plan. He lives it up. He is one of those rare
individuals who always lives in the moment, second to second. If there
is something he is not enjoying he changes his course immediately. He
lives in the now.
It melted my heart walking into his room today and seeing him smile his big carefree smile and say my name and grab my hand. The progress Cody has made since his injury is nothing short of miraculous. He has come so far so quickly. Two weeks ago Chelsea and I were with Cody when he was fighting for his life. We were told to prepare ourselves for the worst. It was coming at us from all fronts. Internal bleeding, seizures, brain swelling, blood clots, infections, every minute seemed to bring a new area into focus. Chelsea provided the emotional support and I provided the reasoning. I can tell you we both grew up very quickly in those first twelve hours signing what seemed to be a steady steam of releases and approving the course of Cody's treatment.
I have spent my fair share of time in
hospitals. For me it was my back. I tried everything before leading up to a
major surgery. I spent roughly a week in the hospital recovering. I
knew what I was in for. The pain, the procedure, the outcome, all the
different scenarios. None of this prepared me from going
into the hospital being fit - to my first rehab session. Which was simply getting
out of bed and taking ten steps with a walker. Those steps for me have
been the toughest most difficult steps I have ever taken.It melted my heart walking into his room today and seeing him smile his big carefree smile and say my name and grab my hand. The progress Cody has made since his injury is nothing short of miraculous. He has come so far so quickly. Two weeks ago Chelsea and I were with Cody when he was fighting for his life. We were told to prepare ourselves for the worst. It was coming at us from all fronts. Internal bleeding, seizures, brain swelling, blood clots, infections, every minute seemed to bring a new area into focus. Chelsea provided the emotional support and I provided the reasoning. I can tell you we both grew up very quickly in those first twelve hours signing what seemed to be a steady steam of releases and approving the course of Cody's treatment.
I try to relate to Cody here. Some of the things I remember well. How the nurses love poking you with something sharp for no good reason. They always do this at the precise moment you fall asleep. How they pretend not to understand you while you talk through a thick fog of narcotics. How the kitchen can never get your order right and when they do it is cold. The list goes on and on.
Now Draven was with me during my surgery. When he speaks of my time in the hospital he calls the nurses and doctors angles for putting up with me. I believe him when he says this but it still doesn't change my memories through the haze of medications.
----- Ok, that was scary. I am sitting right next to Cody as I am typing this he tried to get out of the bed and walk over to the bathroom. Dude is quick, nearly was out of bed before I had the chance to get up. He is super super sarcastic. He makes fun of us for being so serious about the four steps to the bathroom. It makes me smile every time.-----
In the morning and before bedtime Cody has to take his pills. He asks what he is taking and why. Again all he is able to remember is how the medications make the fog thicker. During my back surgery I was on medication but it is nothing compared to what Cody has to deal with more than twice a day. In the end he takes his medication and Heparin shot because we assure him it will make him better. You can see him make this leap of faith every time. Seeing him do this not because he understands but because he trusts us, is one of the hardest things for me to watch. You see the fog start to build. He starts talking like he is further away. He becomes less coherent. Having him slowly being pulled back into the ether because of your reassurance makes you feel miserable. While you know you are helping him it does nothing for that cold sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when he is desperately trying to keep his eyes open before he finally succumbs to the darkness.
And through all these hardships and challenges Cody's spirit preserves and strengthens. In his darkest time you see what makes Cody so special. He is a fighter. He is a comic. He lives in the moment. Somehow in here Cody is the one making me laugh, making all of us laugh. I am here to give Cody the support he needs and somehow I am finding out that Cody is actually the one supporting me.
I just read some of the blog and could not help but laugh. There are amazing similarities. I am most fortunate to have made the progress I have. As a family, we sometimes sit together and can now tell stories of my behavior while in my semi-catatonic state, The F bomb was just one example, lol.
No-one has a crystal ball and no 2 brain injuries are alike, taking the positive approach is the only way. I truly believe, I absorbed all the positive energy around me.
If I can help in any way, please do not hesitate to ask. If it is apropriate for me to visit Cody, I would.
Sending my love and hope,
Darren
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Hi Cody, I am a ski racing parent. My daughter is Elle Anderson(BMA '06). My husband Scott, me, and Elle all went to BMA! I have been following your progress and am in awe not only in how you are progressing, but with your brother and sister!!! Your family is amazing. What they are doing to support you is incredible. You are very lucky to have them. I am glad that you are smiling at them! You will get there. Stay patient and listen to what they tell you.
Love
Lyndall Heyer and family
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Jesse...
Thanks for the update (thanks to you guys for all of the updates). Code's such a trooper...and he has amazing support in his family and friends - hang in there, you guys are an unstoppable team!
Meg
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Hey Cody, It seems that your continued fight is paying off. I admire you and your family. I have been reading posts that were made long before I knew about your Blog. There are amazing stories about your strength and amazing stories about love and dedication. I have had tears in my eyes this morning reading posts by Chelsea, Jesse, Draven, Tucker, and a special Nanu. I understand the relationship of some of these special people and not so much the relationship of others of these special loving people. You are so fortunate to have these tremendous loving family and friends in your life. They are so blessed to have you in their lives too. Keep fighting Cody and remember there are a lot of people out here pulling for you too!!! Have a great day!! Go Cody!!! Your Friend Dave
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To the Marshall Family and Friends,
You don't know me, and I have never actually met you all, but I do know what you are going through. My older son is a year younger than Cody and raced in VT for years. My younger son is a 1987 racer. The Marshall name is very familiar to me. Every time I see the name in Ski Racing I am thrilled that kids that my sons raced with are in the national spot light. But closer to home, my sister, when she was 36 years old was hit by a drunk driver and in a coma for months. My other sister and I, and indeed the whole family lived a bedside vigil that I believe, saved her life and brought her back. That and the therapists and nurses who believed that she was still in there somewhere even when the doctors and the CAT scans were doubtful. Until you live through what you are living through now it is impossible to really truly understand. I do however know what this is feeling like for you all. And really, my prayers are with you. Cody seems to be fighting the good fight and all your support and love and being there are making the difference. I really believe that. I love checking Cody's blog a few times every day and hearing about his remarkable progress. Thank you for taking the time to update and post like you have. Know that there are strangers out here who are praying and sending all our good wishes to all of Cody's friends and family and therapists and doctors and nurses who are bringing him back. And especially Cody. I hope that he will someday soon know how many strangers and friends alike are pulling for him.
Sincerely, Karen Mallia
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I want to give the Marshall Family a Million Thanks for sharing their heartfelt thoughts, concerns as they brave the roller coaster ride that they are on becuz of their Brother's injury. Cody is doing remarkably well & the Horizons expand for him daily as his sensorium clears. Indeed there are peaks & valleys but their brother's trend line is a positive one. The Medical Updates so very IMPRESSIVE, Erudite & so informative. As a PM&R Doc I am dazzled.
In the last couple of days I was asked to be a consultant for a patient who sustained a TBI just 2 days after Cody's injury. Like Cody's family the Medical Tsunami this family has to deal with is so challenging & exhausting emotionally as well as physically. I have pointed them to the ThinkCody with the hope they will be heartened by the words & experiences of the your family.
Accidents like the word signifies are so random & TBI's are especially so but the Marshall family is helping me a veteran Physician help another family by the words so eloquently shared online with love and humor in this blog. The Marshall family is a Noble One which exemplifies that sibling Love and Forbearance are powerful forces that are helping this Prize Fighter Ski Racer Cody excel in an arena other than a Alpine Course set.....the proverbial struggle with life & death is a new sphere that Cody is gaining the upper hand in with the Love of his Parents, Brother & Sister buoyed by great friends & sustained by a fabulously competent/dedicated Medical Team. The Marshall Family's Noble Plight played out in Cyberspace is a powerful witness & resource of strength for the 1.4 million+ families whose loved ones suffer TBI's yearly in the USA. The Raw & Cruel Travails of Brain Injury are surreal and while your thoughts captures it well I am struck by the Strength rooted in Sibling Love & sustained with uplifting humor. These virtues exemplied by you will sustain TBI families as they weather the Dali-esque maze that is this condition imposes on its victims.
Jesse, Chelsea & Friends, you may never know how many people you have helped-will help and I for one thank you from the depths of my heart for teaching me how to help others who lives TBI thrust M.D.'s like me into.
Cody's ICU run reminds me of Franz Klammer's famous Hair-Raising Innsbruck Downhill Gold Medal Run which had the world on the edge of its seat as it appeared that each turn, bump and ripple would end in a white out of flying powder or worse but culminated on the Gold Medal Podium. Cody's hair-raising injury has had us all on edge of our seats as well and none more than his siblings but my Medical Intuition tells me Cody is headed for that Gold Metal Podium!
Thanks A Million for staying Strong, being light hearted, sharing and TEACHING me more than years of Training as a Doc can about the Human Spirit that Prevails in the Struggle of Life over Death brought on by the Random Brutality of a Accident which injures a Human Brain. Cheers!...
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Jesse- I have been lurking on the site since Cody's accident, reading every post, and only after running yesterday and then reading your latest entry this morning have I found what I want to say. My thoughts throughout your ordeal have echoed those of the hundreds of posts- the strength of your family and friends, as well as of your support networks from home, Killington, GMVS, Burke and the USST, is incredible.
I also love the fact that Cody actually got Worm to do an ab routine, and the call for motivational blogs nearly forced Julius to threaten to come out and beat him up (at least I assume 'Adam J' was indeed AJ...).
There are others who have much longer histories with Cody and your family than I, as coaches, friends, etc. I have known you all a long time through all of the Marshall Clan's years at GMVS, and I will never forget watching the masters racers' jaws drop a few years back when Cody foreran a slalom event we hosted on Inverness. His skiing was impressive, to say the least... Your mom always has the patience (lack of sanity?) to administer our CPR and first aid refreshers each year (and she puts up with Adam's crap with the CPR dummies...)and tell her: no, we don't have all our cards yet
Anyway, my thoughts for you and for Cody come from a song I listened to while running yesterday, one I use in the Dartmouth course (glad to read you have been flexing your Deutsch while translating posts). The tune is 'Bleibt Alles Anders' (Everything Stays Different) by Herbert Groenemeyer. In short, the message is in his words in the chorus: 'genug ist zu wenig' (enough is too little) and later 'Hoffnung als Gegengewicht' (hope is the counterweight). I stopped twice to replay the song (no mean feat, given my technological skills, which rival your mom's...) as it was clear as a bell that these lines apply directly to Cody and you you. From now on, enough truly isn't enough- he (and you) has to push harder, and keep hoping even more for breakthroughs, small and large: 'der erste Stein fehlt in der Mauer, der Durchbruch ist nah' (the first stone is missing in the wall- the breakthrough is near), another line from the song.
In any case- Please give Cody my best, and I look forward to reading about his continued progress! -JB
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Jesse... what an eloquent tribute to Cody... it made me cry ... How lucky he is to have you.... How lucky you are to have him... How wonderful it is that you can share the daily REALITY from your eyes as well as Cody's ... very, very touching... how helpful it must be to those in similar circumstances to have you all forging the way for them... this blog has become priceless in many ways ...
Cody, you are one lucky DUDE... and obviously one very SPECIAL DUDE... the love surrounding you, not just in your immediate space, but all around the world is incredible ... and most important, it is in no small way contributing to your rapid progress in this new journey you are on... Cody, you are amazing ... keep fighting... keep walking ... know that "the fog" is only temporary ... you WILL come out of it and you WILL be our CODY again ... GO CODY GO!!!
Love,
Carol
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Click on the link above for my inspiration that little miracles happen every day.
Keep up the great posts.
Free Hugs to all -
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Cody, CoDY, CODY!!!!
I have been out of internet service in the land of a thousand hills and just got back to the city of Kigali, Rwanda today. The first thing I had to do was go to coffee shop to read all the emails and blogs from your AMAZING Brother, Jesse, Draven and Chelsea, I am beside myself AND SO SO SO happy to read of your progress, I wanted to tell you again, though I am so far away, I wish I was in SLC to come visit you, I think about you many times each day. I am sending you all the Africa Power, Spirits of Strength and Wellness....There is unbelievable power, endurance and perserverance here that I have never seen before. I have been wishing it ALL your way, and know that you have just as much strength and courage in you to keep the fight going. You have made incredible strides. Stay positive and just keep putting one foot in front of the other..... I expect that when I return we can go for multiple laps around the hospital and go down to Starbucks for a some coffee talk!! Miss you - Love to you and Jesse, who is probably sitting right next to your bed reading this to you now. Lots of Hug Jenny
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Jesse~
What a beautiful, and insightful, tribute to your brother. Amazing. I think it would be hard to watch him slip into his sleep...knowing how hard you wanted him to wake up in the beginning.
Just know, the sleep is his #1 priority for healing and resting his brain. I hope that brings you some comfort. The more he can sleep (between his walks and talks with his loving and supportive friends and FAMILY!) the more he will continue to come back as the Cody you all know and love!
I think the doctor's post above is a powerful and insightful tribute to Cody and your family. A seasoned Physician is using Cody and your family as an example of how to pull through a TBI. That, in and of itself, is worth ALL of it's weight in GOLD! Your website and the Cody Movement continues to touch all who read it, and continues to help us all to be advocates for those we love.
Your family is very special!
Keep up the GREAT work, Cody! Just remember, 1 step at a time....and take those steps with the ones you love!
Giving up independence is a VERY DIFFICULT thing, but the more you allow those who love you to help you, the closer you will be to your independence.
Hugs from Colorado!
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Jesse -
You are a special brother -- I too had chills up my spine reading your note. So heartfelt -- it must be so difficult to see your younger brother having to endure so much pain, but be so strong -- I applaud you all for being such an incredible family through this trauma in your lives. We are thinking and praying for Cody and all of you each and every day.
Nancy
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I have been following Cody's story since his accident popped up on my facebook, through Blizzard Skis and Ski Racing mag. First off lemme introduce myself. My name is Tyler McKenzie, I am a fellow ski racer, a J1, who races in NH. I race both FIS and USSA, and been following Cody's results on the Europa Cup and WC for the past few seasons. This past March I shattered my lower left leg training SG. I left the crash with a Tib/Fib spiral fracture, and compartment syndrome which almost cost me to lose my leg. I was in the hospital for 8 days, in and out of consciousness. After they took me off of IV drugs I refused pain killers....much like Cody. Once leaving the hospital it sank in....how much work I had to do, to get back to where I was. I cannot stress how important it will be to let Cody has his "moment" as my mom put it, where he should be allowed to feel upset about his situation, apparently it is the most common in athletes. With all of the support that he is getting, it seems like he will have that all important shoulder to lean on when that day comes. I spent the next four months on crutches, and have been walking out of the cast for I believe around 6 weeks now. Cody's heart, and fight during this ordeal has been inspirational to me as I keep up with my physical therapy. I hope that this can help him a bit too. I can assure him that things will get better, they get tough, but if you're tough, you will make leaps and bounds with recovery. The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give him, is listen to your doctors, be humble in this one instance. The worst thing you could do is try and push yourself...too early and set your recovery back months. Push yourself with physical therapy and you will see that each day comes with steady improvement. I wish the best to Cody, and his entire family, and would just like to say...KEEP the thought of getting back on snow in the back of your mind....it is your biggest motivator...and best friend.
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Jesse,
That brought tears to my eyes. You are right. Codeman has always been special and I laugh when I think how your mom never knew how Cody was going to react to a situation and deal with the event at the time or even show up when he was supposed to. He is just a realist. You are doing a wonderful job stay strong Jesse we are all praying for you. I understand that pit in your stomach all to well.
Karen Mcd
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